More Frustration

I am incredibly upset right now and it upsets me even more seeing my family members treat it like a joke of some sorts.  I also really shouldn't be in ownership of the keyboard at the moment seeing that this is going to be a bunch of incoherent angrish.

I went outside to try making a microwave brownie for myself to see if it would make me feel better.  Plus, I really wanted a brownie and no one in the house makes them except for me.  Despite the fact that I still have homework to finish (which I can't even do right now because I AM UPSET and the shitty thing about being upset is that it renders me absolutely fucking useless.  However, that's the subject of a separate rant.)  My parents have this thing where they want me outside and not in my room anyways.  However, Mom put the paper I wrote the recipe on in her cabinet of random papers written in Vietnamese AKA incomprehensible to everyone except her.  And then I found out she shitted up with the other cabinets, so I needed her help finding everything and GETTING THE STUPID BUTTER MOM DON'T USE BUTTER LIKE THAT.

And so she and dad asked me what my beef is.  Despite the fact that I told Dad earlier already.  And so, it is apparently my fault for not knowing where anything is in our kitchen and leaving my room in the first place.  Thank you.  Thank you so much.

Mom also yelled at me earlier because I picked the wrong body wash or something??? despite the fact that, when I asked her, she waved me off with "Are you stupid? They're all right there, and there's "body wash" labeled. It's in English too.  You can read, right?  Just pick one."  I shrugged it off with, "Well, there aren't many nice-smelling things in the bathroom anyways," referencing the fact that all the shampoos in there make me want to puke and Mom hasn't done anything about it despite the fact that I've been telling her for a week.  She then says, "There's the bubble bath."  "Mom, none of us take baths except for my brother." "YEA, AND YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE BUBBLE BATHS BECAUSE..." Mom, I didn't ask for this lecture.  Mom, I don't take bubble baths. I don't even take baths, I shower.  Mom, why are you yelling at me.  Please don't yell.

I really don't like the fact that my anger and feelings are being disregarded so easily.  Even if I don't show feelings as often as my brother doesn't mean that I don't have them, or that they shouldn't be taken as seriously.  I do get legitimately angry and upset.

Mom, Dad, didn't you guys want me to come of my room more?  Well?  Are you happy now?  Are you happy?

I am really upset and I just want food.  I want food, and I want someone to take care of me right now.  I don't want to be the big sister anymore.  I don't want to be the responsible one.  I just want a fucking brownie or cookie in a mug when I'm feeling too shitty to function.