Falling Behind

Falling Behind

Another random thing by Lee

In the beginning, I was keeping up.  I was running in the front, with nice, steady strides and even breathing.  I felt like I was on top of the world.

Somewhere, though, I tripped.  I tripped and I fell into a deep hole or ditch of some kind.  I got scared, and it was a long, difficult task trying to get out.

I didn't have any way of asking for help.  The willpower and strength to climb out had to be all my own.

When I finally got out, I looked around.  Everyone was gone.  They had all moved on ahead.

I tried to run after them.  However, no matter how hard I ran, even though I was at the top, I couldn't get back there.

I didn't know if there was anyone I could ask for help.  How absurd would it be, the fastest runner having to ask for help?  Besides, how could they have helped me, I thought, when the work had to all be my own.

My motivation to keep pushing forward was dwindling.  I began to walk, no longer running for that finish line that I had strived for in the beginning.  What was the point, I thought, when I wouldn't be anywhere near the top no matter how hard I tried?  There's no point in this anymore.  It's useless, all useless.

Near the end, people began realizing that I was no longer there, keeping up with them.  So they tried to push me, tried to encourage me.  So for them, I ran a little.  I knew, however, that it would not amount to anything.  It was all entirely useless.  Maybe next race, I thought, I'll make it.

And that is how falling behind in school kinda feels.

And that is how I spent the last 3 or so years.