Feelings

I kind of envy people who can suddenly have feels and let them out so easily.

I'm naturally an emotional person.  And that should be fine.  Except that in my household, showing negative emotions is a bad thing, since having negative emotions is bad.  Sad?  No, you can't be sad.  You can't be upset, or angry, or anything.  Don't learn bad things like that.  You need to learn to be happy.

In the end, I have trouble telling how I feel.  I've been bottling up my emotions for so long that I usually just identify them as "positive", "negative", or "neutral", and nothing further than that.  I try not to show emotions, and when I do, I try not to show them in front of other people, especially my family.  It's hard, though, when I'm not allowed to keep my door closed and just be alone.

Sometimes, though, I just want to be able to show emotions like a normal person.

I want to cry when I read a sad book, or see a sad movie, or have a bad dream.

I just want to be able to cry for once.