Scopophobia

So I just found out about this.  And it kinda sorta pretty much describes what I am going through.

Quoting Wikipedia (pfft much reliable very trust), scopophobia or scoptophobia is "an anxiety disorder characterized by a morbid fear of being seen or stared at by others or a pathological fear of drawing attention to oneself."  It also states that it's because being stared at is equated with a feeling of shame or being criticized or despised.

Just this morning, I realized that a lot of the bad feelings that I feel are shame.  And honestly, I find myself unsure what to do with it.  The most I hear about shame is my mom telling me whenever I screw up badly, "Oh, so even you know what shame is?"  So I really don't know what to do.

I think the worst part is that my family trying to help only makes it worse.  They try to make me talk about what is bothering me.  But I know that every time I do, they'll say it's a stupid reason to cry.  I didn't just tell you this so that you can call it stupid.  I told you this because you promised me you'll help me feel better.  As if I didn't know how stupid it is!  Of course I do!  That's why I'm crying!  I cry because it's a stupid reason that's bothering me and making me feel upset!  I cry because I'm so stupid for getting hurt because of stupid reasons!  And the last thing I need during those moments is for those dumb feelings to be reinforced.

It bothers me how much talking with my family is like walking in a circle.
"Do you understand this? They gave us a number for a therapist! It's not a joke anymore?"
Since when were my feelings a joke?  "And? The problem is?"
"The problem is that they think you need a therapist!"
"And what am I supposed to do about this?"
"Tell me what is wrong so I can help."
"Sometimes, I just feel upset."
"...god, you do need a therapist.  I need a therapist just talking with you."

I feel as if this whole concept of feelings is so foreign with my family.  "Just shove your feelings aside and focus on school."  How do I do this?  I still have yet to figure it out, and "just do it" so far is not working, thank you very much.  Simply repeating the same phrase over and over again has not done anything to help me; I don't understand why you insist on continuing.

"Tell me what's wrong. Let me help." sometimes feels more like "Let me tear you and your barely stable feelings apart and make you feel worse."