More Incomprehensible Words About Feelings

I feel like I need a tag for when I am generally incomprehensible and full of feelings that I cannot let out properly because I CANNOT PUT THEM INTO PROPER WORDS AND ENGLISH.  For the time being, though...

I feel like I have left the community ahaha I'm not sure, is there really supposed to be a "line" for leaving the community?  Like, I realized that if someone declares a line, he or she will most likely come wandering back for a bit and fly off for a bit and come back for a bit.  Anyways, I really don't need a formal declaration.  After all, if I decide I do not wish to watch over the conversations with a group of people, then that's me ahaha.  Personally, I think I'm too much of a wanderer to really do so anyways.  If I feel like doing something, then I'll do it for a lil bit, and then my attention wanders to something else and I'll do that.  I'll bake at 1 in the morning, or draw in the afternoon and then set the unfinished piece aside to take a nap.  Because I felt like it.  I did a bit of roleplaying... and then I stopped for 6 months, and then took it up again.  Because I felt like it.  And I'm aware that I need a bit of fixing and tinkering with this so that I can have some semblance of a schedule in order to be more productive.

Still, I wonder if anyone noticed the fact that I wasn't really there... Ahaha is this a selfish question, I wonder?  I don't really want them to notice, though.  I'd feel better knowing that I can come and go as I please without strings dangling behind me.  After all, I've come to realize how nice being a silent observer is.  I honestly feel... powerful.  Just being there, with a hint of a presence, watching over everyone.  Ahaha, sounds pretty dumb.

I've gotten into some kind of cycle.  Some days, I feel relatively fine, cheerful even..  And then, there are a few days where I cannot grasp the energy or will to get out of bed.  All I can do is lay there crying under the weight of my feelings.  And it's kinda dumb.  I'm not sure what I can do about it...

I feel like my lack of determination is really becoming a problem.  I mean, it was problematic even back in elementary school.  Now, however, I feel like my drive has hit rock-bottom.  I can't bring myself to do much... And sometimes, the bad feelings eat at me even more, telling me that I /can't/ do it.  I'm not sure what to do about this either... Maybe I should try a monthly challenge of some kind?  I think, I tend to do better knowing that someone trusted, like a friend, is relying on me (such as when they need to copy my homework), or when I have a trusted rival of some kind.  Ahaha, I guess, my motivation is dependent on other people, which is why it's so weak. Makes sense.

I'm trying to write songs, however I have also remembered something: I have very little knowledge when it comes to music.  I never learned an instrument.  With singing, I'm barely scraping by with just singing along with the song.  ...And then this portion of my head is really unintelligible.  Therefore, I'll leave it off here, and maybe work on this some other time.  Ah, I really wish I knew what was going on in my head.