I know and I don't know and I don't care what you know

"You can't feel upset just because you feel upset!"

That's what they said, anyways, but in the end, what more do I have to offer as an explanation?  I feel happy because I feel happy, I feel upset because I feel upset.  I don't know anything more than that.  Sometimes, I don't even know how I feel

"Why don't you know? There's something wrong with you."

I know that already. I know.  I don't need to be told this.  There's something wrong with me.  I tell myself that enough already.  I don't like myself enough already.  I don't care and don't need to know that you don't like me as well.

I hate depression because it's so irrational.  I have no reason to cry, no reason to be upset, but I am.  I get upset because I don't know.  My parents get upset because I don't know.  It's impossible to explain to myself and it's impossible to explain to my parents.  I feel like I'm getting better, little by little, and then it all crumbles down again.  And to my parents, I'm just impossibly weird and stupid.