Thoughts

     I have a very odd thinking style.  It's similar to the rest of me in that it's contrary.  It's disorganized and organized at the same time.  I have a pretty good memory, but I'm also ditzy and forgetful.  For instance, I forgot to cap my pen, so it has been sitting on my desk for about an hour.  Whoops.
     I'm supposed to be doing my homework assignment, which was to write a circle poem.  For those of you who have never heard of a circle poem before (the majority of you, I assume) (Ohwait, who's "you"? LEE, YOU HAVE READERS? I NEVER KNEW THAT.) it's basically when you take a word, and then write a related word, and then continue on until it's a string of words that are loosely related, but not really.  It's kinda stupid.  Anyways, I'm finding that my thinking style is really too extreme for it.  If I restrict my mind, then I get nothing.  If I try letting my mind loose, I have a chart-jumble-thing on my paper and I'm not exactly sure where the beginning and the end is.  Ahahahaa....
     On another note, me not doing homework means that I'm just basically letting my mind wander, and that's not a good thing.  Mental Me likes to walk to places where she's not supposed to be.  My house's piping is broken, and Mom and I discovered it this morning when we were about to leave the house.  When things like this happen, I tend to blame myself for being bad luck.  A stupid reason, I know, but... I'm still trying to tell myself that it's not true, that I'm not actually bad luck or a bad omen or whatever.  Ahaha... not going so well.
      I also started complaining about other things that happened today in my mind.  However, then my mind turns into a me against me argument, and me always wins.  One side would complain, and the other side would scold bratty!me about reasons why I shouldn't blame other people/things/whatever (and often include why I should blame myself instead).  In the end, I like not interacting with people because talking to people means that I have to listen to myself argue and then pull out the remains and offer it as sacrifice to people.  Not fun.  However, this also means I have problems when faced with a situation that requires interactions with actual people.  It also means I'm usually alone most of the time.  Sometimes, I get lonely.  However, other times, I just want to be alone, but I can't.
     I hate it when there's too much going on.  Things sometimes happen, though.  Like the radio is on, but I'm in the backseat, so I can't hear it properly, and my brother is both screaming and thumping his legs against the chair in front of him, and mom's talking on the phone, and the car is moving.  It's all too much.  And then there's me arguing with me inside.  Yeah.  My family thinks I'm weird, though.
     I tend to dislike blogs and Twitter (and communicating with people) because I sometimes say too much, and then I regret it.  I regret things I do a lot.  Already feeling regret for over half the things in this post already, but I'm forcing myself to post this because I need to let this all out.  I wonder how Eva got over regretting everything, cuz I really need to learn that...

     I've been thinking... I decided to continue blogging because I wanted to know more about myself and be more honest to myself and others.  However, as I continued to delve deeper into myself, I realized that maybe I should've just kept this all hidden.  I've been hiding a lot of things from myself, things that maybe I should've left forgotten and buried.  I'm not sure what to do anymore.  Being honest just seems to hurt me more than it does any good.  Maybe I should try getting rid of all of this regret first...? I'm not sure anymore.

     On a less depressing note, last week was finals week at school!  I did pretty well considering this is my first time experiencing finals week, although I got sick around the beginning of the week... whoops.  On my math final, I ended up getting only an 83.6 or something, but then it turned out that that was the class's highest score.  My teacher curbed it, so it's a 96.  I got the highest in English, too, with a 92, which the teacher curbed the grade to, so I got a 100.  Bio, I got a 89, which ended up being the highest too.  However, the teacher told me that I wasn't supposed to take the finals, so the curb was placed at 86, giving me extra credit. Awyeah~!