Language Differences

Hello. This is not a Thanksgiving-related post.  That... will probably be tomorrow.  I also have a voice thing that I'll be doing tomorrow for Thanksgiving because giving thanks means giving hope to those who wonder about giving thanks too.  Something like that.

Before I forget, I've been making some audio diaries.  I started them with the purpose of learning how to put feelings into words and how to say them out loud, since I have problems with talking, both figuring out the words to say and saying those words.  I'll find some site to host them soon, and I'll try to figure out an easier way to make them sound presentable despite my laptop noise.  For the time being, though, just know that some of my blog posts and such have been turned into those.

Anyways, this post is based on a discussion I had with a friend.  We were talking about a set of English translyrics I'm working on, in which I pointed out that one of the words used was difficult due to its two forms (aphrodisiac and aphrodisiacal) having two different pronunciations.  However, English is most likely one of the easier languages to write song lyrics in due to its rules and structures being so malleable (at least, in my opinion).  However, Japanese has the ability of fitting in more words and more meanings into sentences with fewer syllables.  While English does have the capability of doing multiple meanings (through puns and idioms and so forth), it's not really the same as Japanese (and it's definitely more difficult to spot in English).

And that brought us to the topic of language classes in different places.  The English language is mostly grammar rules, with vocabulary being kind of secondary in importance.  However, English classes tend to focus more on literature than grammar or vocabulary, and even then, vocabulary seems to have higher importance than grammar.  This might explain why a lot of Americans have difficulty with the language past a certain point.

In English classes in Japan, however, grammar and vocabulary are highly emphasized.  ...Actually, come to think about it, isn't that how a lot of foreign language classes are?  Emphasizing grammar and vocabulary?  I was also wondering how Japanese classes in Japan work, since the Japanese grammar seems to have more with vocabulary than grammar.  I'll ask my teacher when I get back to school.

That also brings to mind the differences between how we learn a foreign language compared to our base language(s).  I say "base language(s)" because, coming from a family that speaks more than one language, I consider them both to be my starting languages.  A base language, for me, is pretty much any language learned and spoken during early childhood.  Foreign languages are learned mostly through grammar rules and vocabulary.  However, as a child, how did we learn a language?  I believe we learned from vocabulary first, and then grammar?  And there are some that believe that learning languages in the same way we learned as children would be more efficient.

I don't think it'd work, though.  Children learns through immersion, observing the people around them and following (which is how I thought as a child that "honey" was my uncle's name. whoops.).  However, when learning a foreign language, we are unable to simulate that, no matter how we try.  ....Also, there's something about the conscious mind compared to the subconscious and how it changes from child to adult among other cranial changes, but I will save that for another post since this one is already pretty long.  Overall, though, a child's mind is different from our currently, grown minds.  I, for one, remember being a lot more oblivious and happy as a child than my current cynical self.  And this cynicism, I think, is one of those things that prevents me from learning in the same way I did when I was younger.

Anyways, I'm not even sure what the point of this post is anymore, nor do I know where to put a page break.  I apologize for it being so monstrously long.

Anyways,

Feels for fish prince

In which I will probably delete this later.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
SO PRINCE
SO PISCES
SO COOOL
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
CANNOT HANDLE.
TOO PRINCE
TOO COOL

Thank you.

About Teachers

I think that teachers should put aside a little bit of their time to talk to each other!!
I mean, there's a lot of benefits to a little interaction with coworkers!

1. Teachers can share information!  This one is very important to the teachers cuz it means that they'll be less in the dark about things that are happening at school.  They can also learn about different teaching methods and whatnot! Very helpful to the teachers that just use videos all the time since that means no one knows a thing about the subject.
2. It'll improve their moods! I think teachers forget about this a lot, since they're always about work work work!!  Stop playing around with your friends during your breaks and get some studying done!! But I think that studying and homework goes into the brain best when you do it when HAPPY!!!! Cuz you're enjoying it and paying attention to it and everything feels FUWAFUWA.  But teachers are always complaining about all they have to do and read and this and that and then they act grouchy in class and yell at people for insignificant things.  If they'd just talk to some other teacher, maybe complain a little about dum students that don't bring binders or w/e and laugh about it with each other, maybe they'd be a lot less grouchy!

Afterall, I think a lot of teachers just go to school thinking that they'll do the work and then leave ASAP.  And students know that this method makes a person feel really sad and all sorts of bad feels.  Afterall, if you're going there everyday, then you mind as well put aside at least a little time to talk with some coffee.  "Hey, did you hear about what happened at the rally?" "yea yea I heard ahaha" "oh I don't go to those things" "oh well this happened and" "oh does the principal allow that" "nope I heard they got suspended" "haha serves them right"

I get scared when the teacher says groupwork because I might not get along with the other people.  But then I realize that the majority of the time, even if they're not people that I would normally hang out with, we're all really willing to work with each other because it gives us the chance to talk with each other a little.  One of my teachers yelled at my group to "Stop laughing!" and "Stop having fun! You're supposed to be working!" but hey, guess what? We got the work done!  And it was nice.  I was in a good mood for the rest of the day.  Things like that should happen to teachers, too.

And this has been a 20-minutes-to-4-in-the-morning blogpost by Lee. Thank you.

Personal Relationship Issues

I am okay if you are clingy or possessive or whatever it is about yourself so long as you have enough decency and understanding to notice whether actions caused by said traits are making me feel uncomfortable or upset and not doing said actions.  I am willing to talk and help come up with alternatives if necessary.  What I am not okay with is using said traits as excuses to get in my personal space and to start pushing other people that try to interact with me in public and hug me while screaming "MINE".  You are not five.  You can articulate yourself better than a sea gull.  If I have already rejected you, please do not try to kiss me.  Please stop getting upset when I tell you that I do not want to hug you, or I do not feel like talking, or you're being clingy.  Just because I look depressed all the time doesn't mean I am all the time, nor does it mean that I can't get upset.

I really needed to get that out of my system.

I've been facing some personal issues at school.  I feel incredibly disgusted by the actions of a few people, but I cannot call them out due to the fact that all three have gotten upset due to be called out on their actions before.  I know that, highschool being how it is, I cannot afford to make people upset.  While I am in highschool, I will be forced to continue interacting with these people, taking classes with these people, working with these people on projects, and asking these people for help, and strained relations in these situations are unbearable to deal with.  That is one of the reasons why I have chosen to abstain from relationships in highschool: the ensuing mess of a failed relationship is too much to deal with, especially when there are more important things that should be focused on.  However, it seems that such drama has made its way to me even with my efforts to stay out of such things.

I am also uncomfortable with confrontations.  It's just how I am.  I have issues talking directly with most people and fighting back against people in general.  I dislike unnecessary attention.  That makes me a prime target for bullying, of course.  I usually ask my close friends to help me.  However, in this situation, both people are within the circle that my close friends and I are in and both people will get upset no matter who the statement is delivered by.

I am really unsure of what I should do in this situation.

More Frustration

I am incredibly upset right now and it upsets me even more seeing my family members treat it like a joke of some sorts.  I also really shouldn't be in ownership of the keyboard at the moment seeing that this is going to be a bunch of incoherent angrish.

I went outside to try making a microwave brownie for myself to see if it would make me feel better.  Plus, I really wanted a brownie and no one in the house makes them except for me.  Despite the fact that I still have homework to finish (which I can't even do right now because I AM UPSET and the shitty thing about being upset is that it renders me absolutely fucking useless.  However, that's the subject of a separate rant.)  My parents have this thing where they want me outside and not in my room anyways.  However, Mom put the paper I wrote the recipe on in her cabinet of random papers written in Vietnamese AKA incomprehensible to everyone except her.  And then I found out she shitted up with the other cabinets, so I needed her help finding everything and GETTING THE STUPID BUTTER MOM DON'T USE BUTTER LIKE THAT.

And so she and dad asked me what my beef is.  Despite the fact that I told Dad earlier already.  And so, it is apparently my fault for not knowing where anything is in our kitchen and leaving my room in the first place.  Thank you.  Thank you so much.

Mom also yelled at me earlier because I picked the wrong body wash or something??? despite the fact that, when I asked her, she waved me off with "Are you stupid? They're all right there, and there's "body wash" labeled. It's in English too.  You can read, right?  Just pick one."  I shrugged it off with, "Well, there aren't many nice-smelling things in the bathroom anyways," referencing the fact that all the shampoos in there make me want to puke and Mom hasn't done anything about it despite the fact that I've been telling her for a week.  She then says, "There's the bubble bath."  "Mom, none of us take baths except for my brother." "YEA, AND YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE BUBBLE BATHS BECAUSE..." Mom, I didn't ask for this lecture.  Mom, I don't take bubble baths. I don't even take baths, I shower.  Mom, why are you yelling at me.  Please don't yell.

I really don't like the fact that my anger and feelings are being disregarded so easily.  Even if I don't show feelings as often as my brother doesn't mean that I don't have them, or that they shouldn't be taken as seriously.  I do get legitimately angry and upset.

Mom, Dad, didn't you guys want me to come of my room more?  Well?  Are you happy now?  Are you happy?

I am really upset and I just want food.  I want food, and I want someone to take care of me right now.  I don't want to be the big sister anymore.  I don't want to be the responsible one.  I just want a fucking brownie or cookie in a mug when I'm feeling too shitty to function.

Failed Attempts at Peace

I am extremely upset right now.  Woke up upset, had a bad day, yatta yatta.

I know that when I'm upset, I yell.  I don't mean to, I don't even notice that I do until my dad yells at me for it.  He does the same thing (despite being in denial about it).  He also doesn't like it when I yell, and I don't like it when he yells.

Therefore, I decided to try talking indirectly to him since everyone in the family now texts.  Idk, I guess I was hoping to get through a conversation explaining why I don't want them barging into my room asking me things and yelling at me when I yell at them.  Unfortunately, I guess my dad didn't share the same sentiments.

I texted Dad saying, "I don't want to come out of my room or talk directly to anyone right now because I am upset.  Is that okay?"

Unfortunately, Dad then decides that with this text, it'd be perfectly okay to walk right into my room to ask me why I am upset.  I tell him I don't want to yell at him, and if he could just talk to me indirectly, like with text or something.  He asks me again. I tell him I don't want to yell.  He keeps asking. Eventually, he gets frustrated at my lack of answers and leaves, telling me I can go starve for all he cares.

Okay. Thank you.
I tried, I guess.

I have just realized something.  It's not really important, I guess (although I suppose it is to me), and it seems rather obvious now.

I lack major will-power.

I mean, I always knew that I'm not a willful type of person.  I can never be the confident, intimidating onee-chan character that I want to be.  However, I didn't realize how much will-power I lacked until it hit me while I was browsing Tumblr.

I also realized today that while I'm comfortable with hugging other people, I'm not as comfortable when they hug back.  I guess I'm just not used to that /o/